Spiritual Boot Camp

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This essay is part two in a five-part series accounting the author's stay in a monastery in Thailand. For part one, click here. An abridged version previously appeared in The Sun.

 

[Pilgrimage to Nowhere] •
When you join the US Army, you sign on the dotted line, give up your rights, shave your head, receive a uniform, and submit to eight weeks of grueling physical training. When you join a Buddhist monastery – even as a Western apprentice monk just passing through the white robes – you temporarily become part of the Sangha, the great community of monks. You take vows to follow certain precepts, among them not to engage in sexual activity of any kind, not to steal, not to indulge in self-adornment, not to engage in useless speech and not to kill. There's an elaborate induction ceremony – which Phra Sam took me through that first morning – in which I had to repeat back a goodly number of long and incomprehensible Thai and Pali sentences, and prostrate myself to idols and personages I wasn't sure I believed in, while my knees and ankles hurt a lot. I was thinking: it's all very medieval. I was thinking: No drinking or fucking? Okay. That might be good for me. No idle chatter? That one is going to be tough. No personal adornment? With no chance of fucking, why waste time trying to look good? No killing? That's easy, that's a freebie. I've never killed anyone, why would I want to start now? That's what I was thinking as my knees and ankles locked up in pain, and I bowed down to the plaster Buddha statuette and scanned along with the fine-print of the English translation to see what I was actually getting myself into. And I noticed that "no sexual activity" meant I couldn't talk to any of the nuns, "no stealing" meant I wasn't going to be able to "borrow" anyone else's shampoo and "no killing" meant I'd have to be careful about swatting away mosquitoes. With a "Question Authority" bumper sticker tattooed to my soul since college, I chafed against such inflexibilities. Yet there was something about their pureness and hardness that drew me to them.

After the vow-taking, I removed my two rings and the stud from my left ear. Phra Sam handed me a neatly folded pile of white clothing: a pair of draw string pants and two pairs of front-buttoning shirts, all made of light cotton. These were the "robes" that were to mark me as an apprentice monk.

"Are you clear on the practice?" he asked.

"Yes," I said. Then thought about it. "Well, no. Not completely."

He demonstrated how to do the walking meditation: slow, even footfalls – each step broken into three distinct parts. I followed his form, feeling silly. It seemed more like a pantomime of walking, than walking itself.

"Vipassana is insight meditation. The original teaching of the elders," said Sam, as he sat down in a simple Burmese meditation posture, indicating I should do the same. "All suffering is the result of ignorance and attachment," he went on. "We overcome this through the practice of mindfulness."

I nodded.

"When you meditate, thoughts, feelings will arise. Try to neither indulge them, nor suppress them."

"The Middle Way."

"Yes, In Vipassana, we follow always the Middle Way."

Phra Sam was pale, his blond eyebrows invisible unless you stood close to him. He'd been in a punk band in Windsor, Ontario, I'd heard, and – bald, wiry and pale – still looked the part. Instead of combat boots and chrome-studded black leather, he now wore flip flops and the saffron of an ordained monk. Instead of a snarl or rebel yell, his lips were pursed in a slight and permanently affixed smile. A smile of wisdom? Or a tic picked up at monk finishing school? I hoped it was the former.

"Focus on the rising and falling of the abdomen," he instructed. "Be mindful at all times. Always be noticing…noticing. When you're eating, be chewing…chewing. When brushing your teeth, brushing…brushing."

"Should I actually be saying noticing…noticing in my mind?" I asked. He looked at me, his permanent smile frowning slightly.

"Just be 'noticing…noticing.'"

It was hard to imagine this becalmed man crashing away at his three chords back home. There was definitely something bloodless and out of place about him. He seemed somehow insubstantial, as if having traded up from the mosh pit to the dharma, he'd spent too much time in Canadian winters and basement night clubs and neon lit interiors to ever be warmed by the red curries or sunlight of Thailand.

***

The daily routine at Doi Suthep was straightforward. Wake up at 4 a.m. Meditation. Breakfast at 6:30 a.m. More meditation. "Dinner" at 11:30 a.m. Even more meditation. Reporting – a short check in with Phra Sam about your progress – at 3 p.m. Yet more meditation. To bed by 10pm. At the short zen retreats I'd done back in the U.S., meditation was a group activity, sessions marked by the sounding of a gong. At Doi Suthep each apprentice was on their own. Unless you were sleeping, eating or reporting, you were expected to be meditating – maybe as much as eight or ten hours a day. Exactly when and where were up to you.

Those first few days, knowing of only the one meditation hall, I worked exclusively there. I'd begin at one end of the room, lift my foot, pause, move my foot, pause, set it down heel first, then lift the other foot. Lift, step, down…lift, step, down, I'd try not to say inside my head, as I walked lengthwise across the room, sunlight spilling across the long floor boards. Then the prostrations: palms pressed together touching brow, then apart and flat to the ground, brow just brushing the floor. Three sequences, one after the other, not unlike a series of yoga movements. Finally the sitting: feet tucked under the calves of the opposite leg; back straight; hands cupped one inside the other, resting just below the belly button; eyes half open and cast downwards.

There was something profound about the experience: the simplicity of simply walking and breathing and being, and paying attention to that walking and breathing and being. After months – no, years – of running around, I'd finally arrived at a kind of ground zero, a sanctuary where I could stop the world. There was a gentleness as well, a feeling that if I could just sit there and be quiet and wait, reality would slowly let down its guard, step out of the shadows and lie its head in my lap.

But reality did anything but surrender. If you've never done it before, meditation is full of surprises. What should be the easiest thing in the world – walking around, sitting around, and breathing – is, in fact, excruciatingly difficult. Waking-up at 4 a.m., I was thick headed and disoriented much of the early morning. I found walking meditation irksome: one monotonous footfall after another – to what purpose? Sitting was no better, as, breath after breath, my back would grow sore, my knees cramp up in pain, my stomach trap air pockets of tension; all the while, my attention slipping away into some ugly corner of my mind. From the outside, I was sitting, quietly following my breath. But on the inside, those first few days, I was a roller-coaster of inner turmoil.

What could be so terrible about simply sitting? Or breathing? But I wasn't just breathing. I was noticing…noticing what was happening while I was breathing. A particularly nasty radio interview from seven months ago kept hijacking my attention. Unprepared and off my game that morning, I'd been ambushed by the right wing talk show host and his call-in cronies. I'd thought I'd put it past me – it was quite a while ago, and just one black eye among many successes that year – but during those first few days at Doi Suthep it kept coming up. I'd assume the sitting posture, begin breathing, and fwoosh, there it was – the same shame, the same anger I'd felt that day. Before I even knew what I was doing, I'd find myself spinning out revenge fantasies, rehearsing various alternate scenarios: things I could have done differently or said on-air that would have redeemed my dignity. Most disturbing was catching my mind in the middle of all this. By whose orders had it yet again had these thoughts? By its own whims, it seemed. Who was "I," then? (And what did I and my mind have in common?) Cliché stoner talk, for sure; fodder for late-night college bull sessions. But, when observed up close and personal ten hours a day, unsettling in a visceral way.

I'd try to reel myself in, bringing my attention back to the simple rising and falling of my abdomen. Until it (or was it I?) drifted off again. This constant process was more than frustrating. All I was trying to do was be present – the simplest of tasks, one would imagine – and yet I couldn't do it. Instead I was living in the past; I was obsessed with the past. I was also obsessed with the future, it turned out. Sitting there quietly, trying to be present, I thought incessantly about the future: about future career possibilities, about what I'd do when I got home to New York, and about girls – two in particular whom I had high hopes for back home. Would I ever hook-up with either of them? What would it be like? Might it turn into real love? And what was real anyway, in light of Buddhist notions of illusion and impermanence? Again, scenarios were rehearsed; some graphic, all involuntary. I was supposed to be focusing on the breath, on becoming enlightened, on following in the footsteps of the great Awakened One, but my mind had other things in mind.

I thought also about the rest of my trip. Did I have time to get to all the places I wanted to? How could I rejigger my itinerary to make it all work? I thought about the travel blog entries I'd put up just before coming to Doi Suthep, in particular the unexpected kudos I'd received from my travel agent, an intrepid traveler whom I admired greatly. Again and again his praise-filled email circled back upon my attention. It was a rude awakening to see myself caught up in all these little webs of seduction. "Vanity, vanity," Ecclesiastes tells us, "all is vanity." And there it was, and it wasn't pretty.

Maybe worst of all, I didn't trust my understanding of what I was trying to do. Was the walking meditation supposed to bring on a certain inner state? Because nothing was happening. Maybe my footfalls were all wrong? When sitting, was I seeking emptiness? Or happiness? Perfect focus or perfect relaxation? I knew we were supposed to practice meditation without judgment; I knew one could not be "good at" it or "bad at" it, per se. But being who I am, it was not only obvious to me that I actually was bad at it, I also couldn't help but judge myself for not being non-judgmental about it.

When I wasn't putting myself into severe physical and emotional pain by meditating, I was trying to be mindful of my daily activities, as Phra Sam had instructed. When I heard birds chirping in the garden, I'd be listening…listening. When I found myself scratching a mosquito bite, I'd try to notice myself scratching…scratching. I wasn't sure how far the monks took this practice, but there were times when I found myself burping…burping and farting…farting and even licking…licking a popsicle. Besides their vows, maybe this was why monks didn't have sex – because it would be simply too confusing, with too many things to keep track of. Overall, it was hard not to feel somewhat silly engaging in this gentle but relentless mindfulness, and feeling no different for it. Maybe, I consoled myself, it was having an invisible effect, which would only show itself cumulatively over time.

***

Our lives were bounded by routine, and also by the physical boundaries of the monastery itself. There was no internet, no phone, no radio, no TV, no movies, and no venturing off the grounds. While we were at Doi Suthep, it was our only world. The main monastery complex – where relics were housed, rituals held, pilgrimages made, and favors granted – occupied the summit of the great hill. With its stunning views, famous golden stupa, and delicately carved wihan roof gables, it was here that foreign tourist and native Thai alike came to look, admire and pay their respects. Just below the lip of the hill, spread along and down the hillside, were the monks quarters and meditation halls – ten or so buildings connected by gardens, concrete pathways, courtyards and wooden staircases. This was our little world-within-a-world, housing over 100 Thai monks, Phra Sam's International Program, as well as a school for orphans. Visitors touring the main monastery who chose not to look too closely, might not notice our hillside complex at all. Yet it was impossible for us not to feel their presence.

The irony, of course, was that after a month backpacking across five countries and half a continent, I'd finally stopped sight-seeing only to put down anchor in a tourist attraction. We'd wake up at four a.m. in darkness and silence. For the next five hours the entire hilltop and monastery were ours. At 9 a.m. the first tourists would arrive. We'd know they were on-site because of the arrhythmic sound of clanging bells. A set of ancient bronze bells, oxidized copper-green by centuries of rain, sat alongside one of the central monastery buildings. There was a plaque informing visitors that they could ring the bells if they wished. Random, and at times cacophonous, the clanging bells were like human wind chimes, enveloping our daily meditations in an odd but not unwelcome sound – and reminding us that beyond our world-within-a-world, the larger world was still there. By 6 p.m. every evening the temple doors would close to outside visitors. The bells would fall silent. The place would be ours again.

It was hard not to view these tourists with a certain kind of benign condescension. They were just passing through, while here we were: deep at it, day after day after day. For these few weeks at least, we were the locals. And we were working. Even if our job was "doing nothing," we were at least doing something. What were they doing but taking pictures of themselves and clanging bells?

Of course, this was high hypocrisy. Had I not behaved just like them, not long ago, in a string of temples from Tokyo to Bangkok? I'd admired the architecture, peeked into forbidden nooks and crannies, and surreptitiously observed the monks at work and leisure. I'd been a drive-by voyeur then, but here at Doi Suthep it was I who was in the fishbowl. When I'd cross paths with these day-tourists, they'd stop and briefly stare. I was the freak in the religious theme park, now. An exotic farang in his white robes.

It was hard to get a bead on the place. With the beautiful view, all meals provided, and the programmed group activities, it almost felt like we were staying at a resort. But where was the beach? The tennis courts? The lounge chairs? The only sport here was pantomime walking; the only relaxation, brute force sitting. At other times, with its rough lodgings and reveille at 4 a.m., Doi Suthep felt more like a Buddhist army barracks – a boot camp for the mind. Or, maybe a cult? After all, you couldn't talk to anyone, we all wore the same clothes, and you weren't allowed to leave the compound. But what kind of army would make head-shaving optional? And what kind of cult didn't want your money? Or your soul? Buddhists didn't even believe in souls.

But they did believe in reincarnation. How was that possible? This was one of the many questions I hoped Phra Sam could shed some light on.

***

At three o'clock every afternoon we had reporting with Phra Sam. He would sit in his private meditation room. We would wait quietly in the hallway. When it was our turn, we'd enter, bow three times and sit. Phra Sam would begin each session with the same question: "How is your practice?" "Not so great," I might say, as I did at our first session, "my mind is drifting all over the place." He would nod, and ask if I was seeing lights or colors. I'd tell him no. If you do, ignore them, he'd say. We'd go over some details about meditation posture and the like and he'd adjust the regimen, every day or two increasing the duration of walking and sitting segments, in five minute increments, over the original fifteen. He'd ask if I had any questions or problems. And I'd think, yes, I did. Big questions. About love. About illusion. Big problems, too. How could I to reconcile equanimity with fierce worldly engagement? Was the Buddhist theory of dependent origination consonant with post-modern notions of différance? Why did Thailand's Sangha not allow the full ordination of women? How could such an otherwise "advanced" religion hold on to the utterly illogical notion of a reincarnated soul? Why –

"So, no questions? No problems?"

"Well, yes, actually, I have a problem. With equanimity." I said that first session.

"You do? With equanimity?"

And I launched in: "I spent last year working furiously to defeat Bush. Much of my adult life I've fought against injustices by big corporations and the government. How can I fight for change, and care about winning – and still approach life with equanimity?"

He was silent for a while. "All that fighting," he said finally, "all that struggle, breeds attachment and bad karma."

"Sure, but – "

"The government is all in your head."

"All in my head?"

"Yes."

"But – "

"You think too much. Practice more. Think less."

I was a little stunned. Then again, maybe he was right. Not about the government, but about me. I probably was thinking too much. It's a character flaw. Though, it didn't help that I was spending ten hours a day observing my own thoughts.

***

Later that evening, after the tourists had gone and the bells grown quiet, I ascended to the main set of buildings and walked out along the temple's marble checkerboard patio. It was a glorious night: the stars above, the lights of Chiang Mai below, the rhythmic chanting of the orphan monks filling the space between. Liking…liking, I said to myself, standing there, trying to notice my liking without actually liking my liking, and I fell into a quiet conversation with three of the Thai monks in permanent residence at Doi Suthep. Here were true-to-life Buddhist monks, draped in saffron, committed to the spiritual path, years of meditation having seasoned their souls. How had they come to be here, I asked them. How had meditation changed their lives? "Vipassana," said one, "saved me from drink and migraines." The second nodded solemnly. "Vipassana can make you rich," he said, "it can make you a better person, and more serious about work and family." The third one remained after the other two had strolled off. He was short, younger than the others, all smiles. He had come to Doi Suthep as a little boy. In his broken English, he asked me if I could help him get to the USA.

There was a surprising degree of physical and social separation between the apprentices in Phra Sam's international program and the Thai monks in permanent residence at Doi Suthep. We lived and meditated in separate buildings, and besides an exchange of bows and smiles as we passed each other in the garden, or the occasional encounter as had happened with the three young monks on the patio that evening, there was little interaction. One notable exception was Phra Aroon who assisted Phra Sam with meditation instruction and some translation, and at 5'11" had to be the tallest non-White monk in all of Thailand. Another was our cook, Maechi Sunee. Her quarters, on the ground floor off the courtyard, doubled as a kitchen, as well as the emotional center of our little world. She was quite handsome, in her thirties or forties, her head shaven, her face round and radiant, her eyes full of kindness. Meals were not fancy, but they were ample and delicious; traditional Thai curries, soups, vegetables, fruit, and strange puddings.

Mealtimes, though mostly taken in silence, were a social occasion of sorts. At breakfast my first morning, a girl with a pony-tail handed me a plate and smiled. At the next meal, I helped her get a few slippery slices of mango into her bowl. "Thanks," she said, very quietly. Given the isolation in which we spent most of our days, these felt like significant conversations. A few meals later a skinny young man who always seemed to be smiling took it upon himself to make sure I knew there was a second meditation hall available to us. I hadn't known this, and I thanked him. Tomas had been in Thailand for five months and was to be ordained in a week or so. He said he'd been practicing meditation for quite a number of years back home in Minnesota, yet he looked barely out of his teens.

One of the ten precepts we had all vowed to uphold was to refrain from taking meals after midday. Our lunch-time 11 a.m. meal was therefore our last meal of the day, with nothing more until 6:30 a.m. the next morning. And so, one day I found myself sitting in the sunlit courtyard at 11:50 a.m., looking at the remaining food on my plate much like a sailor might take his last look at land before setting sail. Hannes, a new arrival from Austria, was sitting on the grass not far away. Dessert that day included a fruit I'd never seen before: its flesh was white and pink, flecked with tiny edible black seeds. It was succulent, striking to behold, and melted in my mouth with a taste and texture somewhere between watermelon and mango.

"Do you know what this is?" I asked him quietly.

"Dragon fruit," he whispered back.

Hannes was in his early thirties, short brown hair, decently handsome, and Austrian. He had the air of someone bemused, gently charmed by the universe, not quite sure what it was all about, not overly concerned either, but glad to be along for the ride. I liked him immediately.

"What does dragon fruit look like before it's cut up?"

"Like one of those spiked medieval clubs," he answered in perfect English. Ironic, yah?"

I imagined we were both thinking of that quintessential Buddhist symbol, the lotus flower, whose roots are sunk into pond-bottom mulch, yet blossoms forth a beautiful white flower.

"Ah, glasshoppah," I whispered back to him, "the ironies of nature – most sure gateway to wisdom."

He placed his hands together and bowed slightly. "We must all be like dee suttuhl dlagon fluit."

Over those first few days, I was careful to follow the precepts I'd sworn to. I hadn't "borrowed" anyone's shampoo, I'd managed to refrain from touching myself, and though I wasn't exactly sure where to draw the line between "useless" and useful speech, I had tried to err on the side of caution. It came as quite a surprise then, at the end of breakfast one morning, to see two of our crew converse loudly and at length and in three languages. What could be so important? The Swiss guy, it seemed, wanted to let the Bulgarian guy know that the only word he knew in Bulgarian was suansig, and the Bulgarian guy wanted to make sure the Swiss guy knew that this meant, "I want to eat you." The Swiss guy already knew this, having recently had a Bulgarian girlfriend. After witnessing this conversation, I wondered if I had misunderstood the strictures against useless speech.

There was one among our cohort, however, who took this precept very seriously: my roommate Tim. He never said a word to me during our entire stay. In fact, after three days rooming together, he hadn't yet made eye-contact with me; a curt nod of the head was the most involved communication we'd had. He wasn't actively avoiding me, just single-mindedly in his own place. He was dense, sturdily built, head shaven – military in his focus, in his discipline, even in his movements. He'd arranged his things neatly and efficiently in his corner of the room, and except when required by ritual, remained perfectly silent. This both impressed me and unnerved me. "How come we nevah tawk?" I wanted to ask him, in my best Borscht-belt accent. Silent Brother Tim, Hannes and I came to call him.

***

"Any questions about the practice?" Phra Sam asked at our next session. "Any problems?" He was flanked by Haus Frau Sandra and the Tallest Non-White Monk in Thailand.

This time I avoided philosophy and wisely limited my questions to practical matters.

"May I meditate in the garden?" I asked.

"Yes."

"If I wear socks, must they also be white?"

"That won't be necessary."

"Why do you have us focus on just the rising and falling of the abdomen, and not the full path of the breath?"

"Because that's how we do it here."
(Okay, fine.)

"When meditating, how do I relax while also exerting a focused effort?"

"Ah, that is the question. It takes mindfulness, patience…and time."

Phra Sam seemed pleased. This was more the kind of session he had in mind.

"Now, I have a question for you," he said.

Finally, I thought, wisdom, koans, soul-plumbing

"When you're walking, are the left and right foot separate, or one?"

Ah, the Vipassana equivalent of a Zen koan. I said nothing, just bowed my head in the wisest way I knew how, letting the silence speak for itself.

He arched his eyebrows.

I smiled back.

"Separate or one?"

Mu, I wanted to say. The Japanese word that means neither yes nor no. I wanted to place a potted plant on my head. I wanted him to hit me with a big stick. I wanted that proverbial bucket of water to break open and let the reflection of the moon wash out into oblivion.

"Separate or one?"

"Well, both, I guess. Sort of."

"One ends in the mind before the other begins, yes?

"Uh, Okay." I had no idea what he was driving at now and he didn't seem particularly happy with me either.

"There's three kinds of death, yes?"

Okay, death is good, I thought. Death is at the center of everything.

"There's the death of the moment in the mind; the death of the person, though they're not really dead – "

"Ego death," I helpfully threw in. This was familiar territory.

"And the death of attachment, yes?"

"Okay."

"So, separate or one?"

"The feet?"

"Yes, the feet."

"Um, I'm not trying to be difficult, but…"

"Fine," he said, curtly. "Do twenty minutes: twenty minutes walking; twenty minutes sitting." The interview was over, the recruit dismissed.

As I headed back to the upper meditation hall, a temple dog stared mournfully out from a shaded doorstep. I noticed how ragged the garden was: its pond thick with algae, the elephant sculpture weatherworn, the cracks in its concrete head filled in with mortar. What was this place? What was I doing here? A throng of saffron-clad child-monks, their classes over for the day, were playing ping pong. An elderly nun was sweeping the concrete pathways, a traditional short-handled Thai broom in each hand. She wielded them as if she were twirling swords. I felt strangely homeless.

The next morning, after another frustrating bout of monkey mind, the pony-tailed girl and I found ourselves taking a break at the same time. Her name was Terri. She was from Arizona.

"So this is day three?" She asked softly.

"Yes. How 'bout you?"

"Twelve."

"How long you in for?" The conversation was beginning to sound like two prison inmates getting acquainted.

"The full twenty-one."

"Me, just ten."

"And how's it going?" she asked.

"Up and down, you know."

"Yeah, I know," she said. "I think I'm over the hump now, but the first couple of days can be very difficult – physically and emotionally."

"Uh huh. And philosophically, too," I threw in.

"How so?"

"Let's just say that Buddhism and I are not altogether on the same page yet, and Phra Sam won't really answer my questions, and, well, last night's Dharma talk…" Phra Sam's weekly wisdom chat had focused on the "filth" of sexual temptation. "It was, ah…" My voice trailed off, inviting her to fill the gap.

"Well, it's a very traditional form of Buddhism. You take from it what you can."

I nodded and smiled. We said nothing more.

 

Later that morning, during sitting meditation, I felt my mind gathering focus. I'm finally making progress, I thought to myself. Just relax, trust the process. But by evening my brain was again a scramble of desire and preoccupation. I felt defeated, the frustration and despair as strong as ever. What am I learning here? I wondered. What am I learning about myself except that I'm prideful and restless. Stuck in my head. A type A obsessive. A ghost living in the past; an egotist fantasizing about the future. And was there even an "I" to have all these feelings? Would that "hump" ever come? Buddha was kicking my ass.

 

Images by Richard Lilly, used courtesy of a Creative Commons license.

 

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2020 Election: The Decriminalize Psilocybin Movement
Are you curious if mushrooms will follow in marijuana’s footsteps? Read to learn about how the U.S. is moving to decriminalize psilocybin.

Oregon’s Initiative to Legalize Mushrooms | Initiative Petition 34
Oregon continues to push ahead with their initiative to legalize Psilocybin in 2020. The measure received its official title and now needs signatures.

Canada Approves Psilocybin Treatment for Terminally-Ill Cancer Patients
Canada’s Minister of Health, Patty Hajdu approved the use of psilocybin to help ease anxiety and depression of four terminal cancer patients.

Mapping the DMT Experience
With only firsthand experiences to share, how can we fully map the DMT experience? Let’s explore what we know about this powerful psychedelic.

Guide to Machine Elves and Other DMT Entities
This guide discusses machine elves, clockwork elves, and other common DMT entities that people experience during a DMT trip.

Is the DMT Experience a Hallucination? 
What if the DMT realm was the real world, and our everyday lives were merely a game we had chosen to play?

How to Store DMT
Not sure how to store DMT? Read this piece to learn the best practices and elements of advice to keep your stuff fresh.

What Does 5-MeO-DMT Show Us About Consciousness?
How does our brain differentiate between what’s real and what’s not? Read to learn what can 5-MeO-DMT show us about consciousness.

How to Smoke DMT: Processes Explained
There are many ways to smoke DMT and we’ve outlined some of the best processes to consider before embarking on your journey.

How to Ground After DMT
Knowing what to expect from a DMT comedown can help you integrate the experience to gain as much value as possible from your journey.

How To Get DMT
What kind of plants contain DMT? Are there other ways to access this psychedelic? Read on to learn more about how to get DMT.

How DMT is Made: Everything You Need to Know
Ever wonder how to make DMT? Read our guide to learn everything you need to know about the procedures of how DMT is made.

Having Sex on DMT: What You Need to Know
Have you ever wondered about sex on DMT? Learn how the God Molecule can influence your intimate experiences.

Does the Human Brain Make DMT? 
With scientific evidence showing us DMT in the brain, what can we conclude it is there for? Read on to learn more.

How to Use DMT Vape Pens
Read to learn all about DMT vape pens including: what to know when vaping, what to expect when purchasing a DMT cartridge, and vaping safely.

DMT Resources
This article is a comprehensive DMT resource providing extensive information from studies, books, documentaries, and more. Check it out!

Differentiating DMT and Near-Death Experiences
Some say there are similarities between a DMT trip and death. Read our guide on differentiating DMT and near-death experiences to find out.

DMT Research from 1956 to the Edge of Time
From a representative sample of a suitably psychedelic crowd, you’d be hard pressed to find someone who couldn’t tell you all about Albert Hofmann’s enchanted bicycle ride after swallowing what turned out to be a massive dose of LSD. Far fewer, however, could tell you much about the world’s first DMT trip.

The Ultimate Guide to DMT Pricing
Check out our ultimate guide on DMT pricing to learn what to expect when purchasing DMT for your first time.

DMT Milking | Reality Sandwich
Indigenous cultures have used 5-MeO-DMT for centuries. With the surge in demand for psychedelic toad milk, is DMT Milking harming the frogs?

Why Does DMT Pervade Nature?
With the presence of DMT in nature everywhere – including human brains – why does it continue to baffle science?

DMT Substance Guide: Effects, Common Uses, Safety
Our ultimate guide to DMT has everything you want to know about this powerful psychedelic referred to as “the spirit molecule”.

DMT for Depression: Paving the Way for New Medicine
We’ve been waiting for an effective depression treatment. Studies show DMT for depression works even for treatment resistant patients.

Beating Addiction with DMT
Psychedelics have been studied for their help overcoming addiction. Read how DMT is helping addicts beat their substance abuse issues.

DMT Extraction: Behind the Scientific Process
Take a look at DMT extraction and the scientific process involved. Learn all you need to know including procedures and safety.

Microdosing DMT & Common Dosages Explained
Microdosing, though imperceivable, is showing to have many health benefits–here is everything you want to know about microdosing DMT.

DMT Art: A Look Behind Visionary Creations
An entire genre of artwork is inspired by psychedelic trips with DMT. Read to learn about the entities and visions behind DMT art.

Changa vs. DMT: What You Need to Know
While similar (changa contains DMT), each drug has its own unique effect and feeling. Let’s compare and contrast changa vs DMT.

5-MeO-DMT Guide: Effects, Benefits, Safety, and Legality
5-Meo-DMT comes from the Sonora Desert toad. Here is everything you want to know about 5-Meo-DMT and how it compares to 4-AcO-DMT.

4-AcO-DMT Guide: Benefits, Effects, Safety, and Legality
This guide tells you everything about 4 AcO DMT & 5 MeO DMT, that belong to the tryptamine class, and are similar but slightly different to DMT.

How Much Does LSD Cost? When shopping around for that magical psychedelic substance, there can be many uncertainties when new to buying LSD. You may be wondering how much does LSD cost? In this article, we will discuss what to expect when purchasing LSD on the black market, what forms LSD is sold in, and the standard breakdown of buying LSD in quantity.   Navy Use of LSD on the Dark Web The dark web is increasingly popular for purchasing illegal substances. The US Navy has now noticed this trend with their staff. Read to learn more.   Having Sex on LSD: What You Need to Know Can you have sex on LSD? Read our guide to learn everything about sex on acid, from lowered inhibitions to LSD users quotes on sex while tripping.   A Drug That Switches off an LSD Trip A pharmaceutical company is developing an “off-switch” drug for an LSD trip, in the case that a bad trip can happen. Some would say there is no such thing.   Queen of Hearts: An Interview with Liz Elliot on Tim Leary and LSD The history of psychedelia, particularly the British experience, has been almost totally written by men. Of the women involved, especially those who were in the thick of it, little has been written either by or about them. A notable exception is Liz Elliot.   LSD Guide: Effects, Common Uses, Safety LSD, Lysergic acid diethylamide, or just acid is one of the most important psychedelics ever discovered. What did history teach us?   Microdosing LSD & Common Dosage Explained Microdosing, though imperceivable, is showing to have many health benefits–here is everything you want to know about microdosing LSD.   LSD Resources Curious to learn more about LSD? This guide includes comprehensive LSD resources containing books, studies and more.   LSD as a Spiritual Aid There is common consent that the evolution of mankind is paralleled by the increase and expansion of consciousness. From the described process of how consciousness originates and develops, it becomes evident that its growth depends on its faculty of perception. Therefore every means of improving this faculty should be used.   Legendary LSD Blotter Art: A Hidden Craftsmanship Have you ever heard of LSD blotter art? Explore the trippy world of LSD art and some of the top artists of LSD blotter art.   LSD and Exercise: Does it Work? LSD and exercise? Learn why high-performing athletes are taking hits of LSD to improve their overall potential.   Jan Bastiaans Treated Holocaust Survivors with LSD Dutch psychiatrist, Jan Bastiaans administered LSD-assisted therapy to survivors of the Holocaust. A true war hero and pioneer of psychedelic-therapy.   LSD and Spiritual Awakening I give thanks for LSD, which provided the opening that led me to India in 1971 and brought me to Neem Karoli Baba, known as Maharajji. Maharajji is described by the Indians as a “knower of hearts.”   How LSD is Made: Everything You Need to Know Ever wonder how to make LSD? Read our guide to learn everything you need to know about the procedures of how LSD is made.   How to Store LSD: Best Practices Learn the best way to store LSD, including the proper temperature and conditions to maximize how long LSD lasts when stored.   Bicycle Day: The Discovery of LSD Every year on April 19th, psychonauts join forces to celebrate Bicycle Day. Learn about the famous day when Albert Hoffman first discovered the effects of LSD.   Cary Grant: A Hollywood Legend On LSD Cary Grant was a famous actor during the 1930’s-60’s But did you know Grant experimented with LSD? Read our guide to learn more.   Albert Hofmann: LSD — My Problem Child Learn about Albert Hofmann and his discovery of LSD, along with the story of Bicycle Day and why it marks a historic milestone.   Babies are High: What Does LSD Do To Your Brain What do LSD and babies have in common? Researchers at the Imperial College in London discover that an adult’s brain on LSD looks like a baby’s brain.   1P LSD: Effects, Benefits, Safety Explained 1P LSD is an analogue of LSD and homologue of ALD-25. Here is everything you want to know about 1P LSD and how it compares to LSD.   Francis Crick, DNA & LSD Type ‘Francis Crick LSD’ into Google, and the result will be 30,000 links. Many sites claim that Crick (one of the two men responsible for discovering the structure of DNA), was either under the influence of LSD at the time of his revelation or used the drug to help with his thought processes during his research. Is this true?   What Happens If You Overdose on LSD? A recent article presented three individuals who overdosed on LSD. Though the experience was unpleasant, the outcomes were remarkably positive.

The Ayahuasca Experience
Ayahuasca is both a medicine and a visionary aid. You can employ ayahuasca for physical, mental, emotional and spiritual repair, and you can engage with the power of ayahuasca for deeper insight and realization. If you consider attainment of knowledge in the broadest perspective, you can say that at all times, ayahuasca heals.

 

Trippy Talk: Meet Ayahuasca with Sitaramaya Sita and PlantTeachers
Sitaramaya Sita is a spiritual herbalist, pusangera, and plant wisdom practitioner formally trained in the Shipibo ayahuasca tradition.

 

The Therapeutic Value of Ayahuasca
My best description of the impact of ayahuasca is that it’s a rocket boost to psychospiritual growth and unfolding, my professional specialty during my thirty-five years of private practice.

 

Microdosing Ayahuasca: Common Dosage Explained
What is ayahuasca made of and what is considered a microdose? Explore insights with an experienced Peruvian brewmaster and learn more about this practice.

 

Ayahuasca Makes Neuron Babies in Your Brain
Researchers from Beckley/Sant Pau Research Program have shared the latest findings in their study on the effects of ayahuasca on neurogenesis.

 

The Fatimiya Sufi Order and Ayahuasca
In this interview, the founder of the Fatimiya Sufi Order,  N. Wahid Azal, discusses the history and uses of plant medicines in Islamic and pre-Islamic mystery schools.

 

Consideration Ayahuasca for Treatment of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Research indicates that ayahuasca mimics mechanisms of currently accepted treatments for PTSD. In order to understand the implications of ayahuasca treatment, we need to understand how PTSD develops.

 

Brainwaves on Ayahuasca: A Waking Dream State
In a study researchers shared discoveries showing ingredients found in Ayahuasca impact the brainwaves causing a “waking dream” state.

 

Cannabis and Ayahuasca: Mixing Entheogenic Plants
Cannabis and Ayahuasca: most people believe they shouldn’t be mixed. Read this personal experience peppered with thoughts from a pro cannabis Peruvian Shaman.

 

Ayahuasca Retreat 101: Everything You Need to Know to Brave the Brew
Ayahuasca has been known to be a powerful medicinal substance for millennia. However, until recently, it was only found in the jungle. Word of its deeply healing and cleansing properties has begun to spread across the world as many modern, Western individuals are seeking spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical well-being. More ayahuasca retreat centers are emerging in the Amazon and worldwide to meet the demand.

 

Ayahuasca Helps with Grief
A new study published in psychopharmacology found that ayahuasca helped those suffering from the loss of a loved one up to a year after treatment.

 

Ayahuasca Benefits: Clinical Improvements for Six Months
Ayahuasca benefits can last six months according to studies. Read here to learn about the clinical improvements from drinking the brew.

 

Ayahuasca Culture: Indigenous, Western, And The Future
Ayahuasca has been use for generations in the Amazon. With the rise of retreats and the brew leaving the rainforest how is ayahuasca culture changing?

 

Ayahuasca Guide: Effects, Common Uses, Safety
The Amazonian brew, Ayahuasca has a long history and wide use. Read our guide to learn all about the tea from its beginnings up to modern-day interest.

 

Ayahuasca and the Godhead: An Interview with Wahid Azal of the Fatimiya Sufi Order
Wahid Azal, a Sufi mystic of The Fatimiya Sufi Order and an Islamic scholar, talks about entheogens, Sufism, mythology, and metaphysics.

 

Ayahuasca and the Feminine: Women’s Roles, Healing, Retreats, and More
Ayahuasca is lovingly called “grandmother” or “mother” by many. Just how feminine is the brew? Read to learn all about women and ayahuasca.

What Is the Standard of Care for Ketamine Treatments?
Ketamine therapy is on the rise in light of its powerful results for treatment-resistant depression. But, what is the current standard of care for ketamine? Read to find out.

What Is Dissociation and How Does Ketamine Create It?
Dissociation can take on multiple forms. So, what is dissociation like and how does ketamine create it? Read to find out.

Having Sex on Ketamine: Getting Physical on a Dissociative
Curious about what it could feel like to have sex on a dissociate? Find out all the answers in our guide to sex on ketamine.

Special K: The Party Drug
Special K refers to Ketamine when used recreationally. Learn the trends as well as safety information around this substance.

Kitty Flipping: When Ketamine and Molly Meet
What is it, what does it feel like, and how long does it last? Read to explore the mechanics of kitty flipping.

Ketamine vs. Esketamine: 3 Important Differences Explained
Ketamine and esketamine are used to treat depression. But what’s the difference between them? Read to learn which one is right for you: ketamine vs. esketamine.

Guide to Ketamine Treatments: Understanding the New Approach
Ketamine is becoming more popular as more people are seeing its benefits. Is ketamine a fit? Read our guide for all you need to know about ketamine treatments.

Ketamine Treatment for Eating Disorders
Ketamine is becoming a promising treatment for various mental health conditions. Read to learn how individuals can use ketamine treatment for eating disorders.

Ketamine Resources, Studies, and Trusted Information
Curious to learn more about ketamine? This guide includes comprehensive ketamine resources containing books, studies and more.

Ketamine Guide: Effects, Common Uses, Safety
Our ultimate guide to ketamine has everything you need to know about this “dissociative anesthetic” and how it is being studied for depression treatment.

Ketamine for Depression: A Mental Health Breakthrough
While antidepressants work for some, many others find no relief. Read to learn about the therapeutic uses of ketamine for depression.

Ketamine for Addiction: Treatments Offering Hope
New treatments are offering hope to individuals suffering from addiction diseases. Read to learn how ketamine for addiction is providing breakthrough results.

Microdosing Ketamine & Common Dosages Explained
Microdosing, though imperceivable, is showing to have many health benefits–here is everything you want to know about microdosing ketamine.

How to Ease a Ketamine Comedown
Knowing what to expect when you come down from ketamine can help integrate the experience to gain as much value as possible.

How to Store Ketamine: Best Practices
Learn the best ways how to store ketamine, including the proper temperature and conditions to maximize how long ketamine lasts when stored.

How To Buy Ketamine: Is There Legal Ketamine Online?
Learn exactly where it’s legal to buy ketamine, and if it’s possible to purchase legal ketamine on the internet.

How Long Does Ketamine Stay in Your System?
How long does ketamine stay in your system? Are there lasting effects on your body? Read to discover the answers!

How Ketamine is Made: Everything You Need to Know
Ever wonder how to make Ketamine? Read our guide to learn everything you need to know about the procedures of how Ketamine is made.

Colorado on Ketamine: First Responders Waiver Programs
Fallout continues after Elijah McClain. Despite opposing recommendations from some city council, Colorado State Health panel recommends the continued use of ketamine by medics for those demonstrating “excited delirium” or “extreme agitation”.

Types of Ketamine: Learn the Differences & Uses for Each
Learn about the different types of ketamine and what they are used for—and what type might be right for you. Read now to find out!

Kitty Flipping: When Ketamine and Molly Meet
What is it, what does it feel like, and how long does it last? Read to explore the mechanics of kitty flipping.

MDMA & Ecstasy Guide: Effects, Common Uses, Safety
Our ultimate guide to MDMA has everything you want to know about Ecstasy from how it was developed in 1912 to why it’s being studied today.

How To Get the Most out of Taking MDMA as a Couple
Taking MDMA as a couple can lead to exciting experiences. Read here to learn how to get the most of of this love drug in your relationship.

Common MDMA Dosage & Microdosing Explained
Microdosing, though imperceivable, is showing to have many health benefits–here is everything you want to know about microdosing MDMA.

Having Sex on MDMA: What You Need to Know
MDMA is known as the love drug… Read our guide to learn all about sex on MDMA and why it is beginning to makes its way into couple’s therapy.

How MDMA is Made: Common Procedures Explained
Ever wonder how to make MDMA? Read our guide to learn everything you need to know about the procedures of how MDMA is made.

Hippie Flipping: When Shrooms and Molly Meet
What is it, what does it feel like, and how long does it last? Explore the mechanics of hippie flipping and how to safely experiment.

How Cocaine is Made: Common Procedures Explained
Ever wonder how to make cocaine? Read our guide to learn everything you need to know about the procedures of how cocaine is made.

A Christmas Sweater with Santa and Cocaine
This week, Walmart came under fire for a “Let it Snow” Christmas sweater depicting Santa with lines of cocaine. Columbia is not merry about it.

Ultimate Cocaine Guide: Effects, Common Uses, Safety
This guide covers what you need to know about Cocaine, including common effects and uses, legality, safety precautions and top trends today.

NEWS: An FDA-Approved Cocaine Nasal Spray
The FDA approved a cocaine nasal spray called Numbrino, which has raised suspicions that the pharmaceutical company, Lannett Company Inc., paid off the FDA..

The Ultimate Guide to Cannabis Bioavailability
What is bioavailability and how can it affect the overall efficacy of a psychedelic substance? Read to learn more.

Cannabis Research Explains Sociability Behaviors
New research by Dr. Giovanni Marsicano shows social behavioral changes occur as a result of less energy available to the neurons. Read here to learn more.

The Cannabis Shaman
If recreational and medical use of marijuana is becoming accepted, can the spiritual use as well? Experiential journalist Rak Razam interviews Hamilton Souther, founder of the 420 Cannabis Shamanism movement…

Cannabis Guide: Effects, Common Uses, Safety
Our ultimate guide to Cannabis has everything you want to know about this popular substances that has psychedelic properties.

Cannabis and Ayahuasca: Mixing Entheogenic Plants
Cannabis and Ayahuasca: most people believe they shouldn’t be mixed. Read this personal experience peppered with thoughts from a procannabis Peruvian Shaman.

CBD-Rich Cannabis Versus Single-Molecule CBD
A ground-breaking study has documented the superior therapeutic properties of whole plant Cannabis extract as compared to synthetic cannabidiol (CBD), challenging the medical-industrial complex’s notion that “crude” botanical preparations are less effective than single-molecule compounds.

Cannabis Has Always Been a Medicine
Modern science has already confirmed the efficacy of cannabis for most uses described in the ancient medical texts, but prohibitionists still claim that medical cannabis is “just a ruse.”

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