[Pilgrimage to Nowhere] • After five days at the Thai meditation retreat, I had yet to find a proper teacher. When I met Roger, I launched into a capsule version of my checkered spiritual past, the eclectic influences; my suspicion of organized religion. As best as I could, I described the harrowing quality of those early mystical experiences. "It was as if I had died," I told him. "You did die," he said with a big smile.