Propaganda Anonymous

 

I've noticed this about sexuality and sex and stuff,

Lots of people are weirded out by other's talking about their sexual selves, when these talks are not some form of flirting from one to the other.

Or in the context of say 'therapy'

Or shared between close friends.

Talk abut sexuality, I've noticed, tends to be encoded in a multi-language full of jokes, similes and metaphors.

There are socially 'ok' ways of talking about sex, and there are those things that just freak people out.

If I invoke Marcuse, Reich, Osho, Havelock Ellis, Henry Miller all this socially shamed based behavior seems retarded.

Yet the 'irrational' tugs and weighs us all down from time to time, however I find Reich's integration of theories in forming the basis of his argument that says the integration of well functioning and fulfilling sexuality aids in the appreciation and understanding of 'work.' and life.

 

I'm so down with nearly all progressive 'theories' like these.

I also see that I live in a country where the government, under Clinton no less, fired it's Surgeon General, Joycelyn Elders, because she spoke about the importance of alllowing kids to masturbate.

 

" In 1994, she was invited to speak at a United Nations conference on AIDS. She was asked whether it would be appropriate to promote masturbation as a means of preventing young people from engaging in riskier forms of sexual activity, and she replied, "I think that it is part of human sexuality, and perhaps it should be taught." This remark caused great controversy and resulted in Elders losing the support of the White House. White House chief of staff Leon Panetta remarked, "There have been too many areas where the President does not agree with her views. This is just one too many."[1] Elders was fired by President Clinton as a result of the controversy in December of 1994"

 

Sexuality is just interesting in general, though. 

We're all such funny little creatures man.

 Thnx for the piece Wendy 

 

So much for so called 'liberal' 'Slick Willy" Clinton, a man not adverse to using cigars in creative ways himself. Further proof, as if anyone needed it that anyone in these high offices has sold their soul a long time ago. Oh! buts thats right, I forgot, Obama is going to change all that?Isnt he?.....yeah right!

I'll go ahead and say something controversial. I think that many Americans are addicted to orgasms.

Recent studies have shown that the dopamine addiction associated with orgasm is rampant (and is followed by the release of prolactin). I believe orgasms are healthy, but I also believe that much of the world masturbates compulsively.

In the long run studies are showing that this creates long term associations between orgasm and the crash or low that can follow. It often takes more to get high.

Negative associations made between the neuro-chemical low following an orgam and a frequent sexual partner can breed resent in relationships.

This resentment is often followed by the desire to seek out other partners (less associations and projections are found in new partners). In my view, polyamory is often thought of as a high-virtue in spiritual communities because it's thought to be "more honest."

But it seems to me that this is, at its worst, like a methadone clinic for the orgasmically addicted. Withholding orgasm in relationships, as well as delaying orgasm, bi-passes a perhaps viral urge to procreate 24/7.

Procreation is beautiful. Don't get me wrong. Orgasm is beautiful, too. I'm not suggesting a prohibition of orgasm.

But I think that the sexual bravado in spiritual communities is often nothing more than a mask for a deep seated compulsive behavior that might need sorting out (not for everyone of course, but I think for many).

I also think it's worth considering that not all of the longest standing ideas about orgasm are terrible, divisive or fear-based. Many ancient cultures knew of the benefits of delayed or withheld orgasms for the sake of intimacy.

In some Jewish cultures it was suggested that a couple be physical but only orgasmic once every month, for example. Perhaps some of the ancient cultures realized that some of us (not all) crash hard emotionally and spiritually if we "cum" too often.

So there. I've said my bit! Of course----what isn't great about masturbation. I make no prescriptions...only some more food for our reality sandwich!

 

Adam Elenbaas

I've been finding myself thinking a lot about polyamory recently and have also been battling my own compulsions/shames of masturbation for what seems like centuries.

 

Just last night I had an orgiastic vision with both men and women - something I've never had before and though I felt it was intensely beautiful and love-based rather than falsely sexual - it has really got me thinking even more about these subjects and what I'm supposed to do about my sexuality. I, too, think with you Adam, that orgasms are beautiful things but clearly tantra teaches us that there are more powerful uses to sex than orgasming and by withholding our orgasms we can certainly increase our vitality.

 

Basically, what I'm thinking about doing and wondering if any of you have any experiences with, are combining tantra (a practice that clearly demands a necessary strong relationship with just one partner) and polyamory (being in a relationship that may be tantracally demanding demanding, while still being open to other loves/partners and perhaps other tantric demands as well).  I'm not sure if any of this is possible/realistic/ridiculous... but it certainly seems like it might be a path for sexual and spiritual freedom to join together in the love of all that apparently needs to occur here in our cultural world.

 

Thoughts? 

 

All bridges can be rebuilt.

I think you are mixing orgasm and ejaculation (male or female). Orgasm doesn't have to bring you down. There is a book called "Multiorgasmic man" as well as one about Self-love by a certain "Margo Woods". I wish I knew about it when I was a teenager. 15 years down the line I learned a much more positive way to masturbate. Funny people are getting still so worked up about M A S T U R B A T I O N. When will the religious undertheme let go and people just open their minds ? For me learning to delay ejaculation or even bypass it completely has been like some kind of yoga or meditation. All about being present since you have to learn your own rate of arousal etc. Lately I realised it's almost comical how some of the poor guys who describe themselves as porn addicts could in fact easily solve their lonmgtime addiction by learning to masturbate properly and watch all the porn they want, only by doing it MINDFULLY. I speak from experience. although I don't think I was ever really addicted to porn but I noticed now I can watch all I want, I don't come, and I DONT THINK about it at all during the day. This obviously means that it is how you masturbate that makes a lot of difference. Funny how you can do such a simple thing in a totally unhelpful or even harmful way when all it takes is learning to dely orgasm as Adam mentions.

also, masturbation and orgasm do not necessarily go hand in hand. someone could masturbate with no intention of "releasing," though that practice is probably rare.

i agree that there's a stigma against it, but in the eyes of many eastern traditions self-pleasure intensifies attachment to the senses and material life on earth. a buddhist monk masturbating wouldn't make sense because they are supposedly trying to escape the cycle of rebirth through non-attachment.

in some cases blocking that release can probably be harmful, but submitting to the urge all the time seems questionable. the line between embracing the senses and being addicted to sensory pleasure is a tough one to draw.

 everyone struggles with it... having the control seems to be pretty important, and there's something to be said about "holding it." the sexual energy builds, and that can be channeled into all different places.

battles with lust...embracing the world...it's weird how masturbation could be thought of as both.either way, though, if it really wants to come out, it will. just wait for dreams.

I think one problem is that masturbation for the sake of feeling good doesn't go very far. So I'm not convinced that simply encouraging people to masturbate and self-pleasure is the best approach. The thing that convinced me to explore "mindful" masturbation was when I read that I could build up energy and one effect of this increased energy was that it could heal psychological wounds, stress, anxiety... by some sort of simple short-circuit mechanism. Having made a 10 day Vipassana course before I also started to wonder about all the connections between Vipassana taught by Goenka, that "sweeping" of the body, and the build up of energy through masturbation that can also be directed simply by concentrating one's attention up and down the body. I certainly heals, and heck, I've seen some real results in clearing anxiety in a way that "usual" masturbation never did. Anyway.. very interesting subject. Experiment! :)

i'm all for men learning how to delay their ejaculation!i've been lucky enough to have that kind of relationship. it makes for a much more exciting sex life- longer sex, more orgasms, more cuddles and less passing out, none of that "disconnection" that can happen right after sex, or as Adam said, "resenting his partner." sex isnt about how great the finish will be, but how great it is to feel so connected, erotic and full of pleasure with the one you love.

 

i really agree with this article. self love to me is about deeply experiencing the pleasure of your physical body in love. you bring that awareness into a union and you bring a healthy foundation to your sex life. it also helps you to resist hopping into bed too soon with some guy you like, because you carry your sexual confidence within. women who are sensitive need to be careful, because the hormone they release after sex is oxytocin, the bonding hormone which actually creates a chemical addiction to the one they slept with. it can fool a woman into thinking she really likes someone when she doesnt. it can create that desperate and needy feeling when the guy doesnt want to bond. men dont release oxytocin as far as i know. and i know there are those women out there who dont have that problem, but i seriously have only met a few.

 

another little tidbit, vianna stibal, creator of theta healing, states that monogamy is gene based, and that not everyone has the monogamy gene. so perhaps the polyamory crowd are truly expressing their genes. as for me, i've got the monogamy gene and when i tried to be polyamorous it really backfired. but trying to be monogamous when you are really polyamorous can create the same level of discomfort.

 

and finally, orgasms are everywhere. not just during sex or masturbation. try opening your chakras while you jump up and down laughing with an excited crowd. get your body moving, and all your energy centers open and flowing, and bliss follows:)

have more self love? i am fresh out of another blog here on RealitySandwich where we are whipping up a frenzy over conspicuous consumption. People who write books, and actually make a living from it. but wait there's more!

The usual "quickie" masturbation that men resort to to relieve the sexual energy build up always lead to that "low", but it doesn't have to. I've noticed that the most unpleasant feeling I had after unmindful masturbation was that feeling of having surrendered to the physical or emotional urges and having been out of control. After ejaculation, it;s like you come down from a "spell" and realize you had no control over your body, for a minute, an hour or more! I'm pretty sure that plays a big part in a lot of men's (and women's) shameful or resentful feelings towards masturbation. For the same reason, perhaps that explains some of the religious condemnation of masturbation. Masturbating mindfulling, listening to your body, rate of arousal, breathing, etc. is an experience of self-growth. As such, at least that's my experience, after practicing delaying orgasm and bypassing it say 3 of 4 times, it has only been a very positive experience both physically and psychologically. With enough pracitce, you no longer feel that you lost control. So I believe from that point of view, mindfully masturbating is really only a positive practice (which you can do alone or with your partner), and it does in fact concern every man on this planet, imho. It's just a paradox that mindful masturbation makes you feel more sexual and horny at times, all the while with a greater confidence in yourself and the ability to "let go" of the urges at will. You don't learn to swim by staying out of the water. Unfortunately self-love always gets confused with vanity, self-conceit,.. out of ignorance. http://i.cs.hku.hk/~bruce/masturb1.html

Funny when I was 5, I listened to classical music a lot and drew freely. Perhaps twice in that time period (before my mother died, 6 or 7) I had an orgasm as I was drawing. This was the 50's. Now I teach art. I kinda think I was programed by myself. The courage it took to go in that direction, from an educated academic family, was my leap off the cliff.Yet it took years, a failed marriage, to even know what an orgasm was. A wonderful man gave me such pleasure, that I eventually learned on my own how to get off. Honestly the limitation was within myself. So for me all this talk is amazing and rather healthy. I have noticed levels in my orgasm reflecting my own state of self love and being-ness. Like dreams some are more powerful than others. As above so below, masturbation can be as sacred as heaven itself.

Firstly, men do release oxytocin- to much the same effect as with women.  It makes you feel connected, mushy and lovely.

As for the orgasm addiction discussion- I think it's bogus.  There is a refractory period with nearly every hormonal function.  I am hungry -> I eat -> I am happy for a little while -> I crash -> I need to eat again. 

Any hormone is technically a "drug" affecting brain function, so any behavior that stimulates the release of hormones could be considered "addictive."  

Just because humans feel good when they cum, then feel less good because they are no longer cumming, doesn't mean orgasm is an epidemic that needs to be curbed.  I believe that there are still WAY too few orgasms happening in this world.  There are WAY too few women who know the function and location of their clitoris, and there are way too few men who know how to give pleasure to their wives/girlfriends.  There are way too many female circumcisions happening because of fear and resentment towards female sexuality.  There are way too many women who are told that they are dirty and gross and they should keep their hands away from themselves. 

If we are relying on anecdotal evidence to support the addiction theory, allow me to say that I have NEVER felt "resentment" to a parnter after sex unless they expressed a strong disinterest in my pleasure at all.  If they care about how I feel, I feel good.  That's where the "after-sex glow" comes from. 

As for the "spiritual community" theory-  a whole hell of a lot of people end up in "spiritual communities" (whatever that means) because they have serious issues to begin with.  I have no doubt that a lot of poly people and/or tantra people have serious problems with their sexuality and are function on a poverty complex, not from a place of bounty.  But, that's just people.  We're all imperfect, and we all allow our imperfections to hurt others if we don't check ourselves. 

And finally, as for the poly proselytizer -  they exist.  But what are there more of?  Monogamy proselytizers.  They are different paths for different people-  neither is better than the other.

The solution is not to deny orgasms, or to force them.  We must be conscious of our sexuality, just as we should be for our eating, our sleeping, our consumption, our relationships, our thoughts.   Just as we are careful not to overeat, we should exercise consideration in sex, too.  But the idea that the entire world is "addicted" is myopic and dismisses the extraordinary gifts of sexuality and pleasure.